All you give me is a heartbeat
by HillyHuddy
Summary: 'You're hard to hug, tough to talk to, and I never fall asleep, when you're in my bed, all you give me is a heartbeat. I've turned into a statue, and it makes me feel depressed, cause the only time you open up is when we get undressed.' Pretty much sums it up. Peter has a talk with Zach, followed with more than a talk with Alicia.


_Hello there! _

_I just couldn't help myself, this had to get out of my head. This started as a scene between Zach and Peter, just because he's like a little investigator and nothing ever manages to escape him and it ended with Alicia being a part of it, of course. Who can blame me. LOL._

_Set anytime after 4.09. Obvious spoilers. _

_Thanks for reading!_

_The song to the piece is 'Starring role' by Marina and the diamonds. Look up the lyrics, you won't regret it. :)_

* * *

**All you give me is a heartbeat**

It was a bit after eleven pm on a cold Saturday night and Peter was sitting in front of the fireplace, a glass of ice-cold scotch in his right hand. He wasn't really having any of it and it was starting to get warm. His mind had wandered off again, an action that had become more of a habit in the previous few weeks.

Watching the fire crack softly in the fireplace, he couldn't help but remember all the times he'd sat in front of it with his wife, just laughing and sharing things after a long day. Sometimes she would have ended up falling asleep, her head on his shoulder and he'd had to carry her to bed. He missed those times so much.

He had no right to dwell on it, after all, he had been pretty much the sole cause of everything that had led to their lives changing so much, but he couldn't escape feeling sad about it, no matter how much he knew he hadn't had the right to.

Every ounce of his body ached to be able to go back in time and choose talking with Alicia about all the problems that he'd gotten himself into, in stead of trying to run away from them and jumping in the bed with a prostitute.

After all, it hadn't been his political position that had led him to seeking out prostitutes, but the fact that he had let himself become what he'd never wanted to- a 'fuzzy' politician.

Taking bribe and stirring investigation away, when he should have been doing his job- serving justice,were some things that he couldn't deny anymore that he'd done.

And it had come back to bite him in the ass so badly, taking so much from him, taking everything he'd forgotten he'd cared about.

Now, he'd had to live with it. For several years now, his life had consisted out of trying to right everything he'd ever done wrong- starting from his family.

You could say that he'd been doing a good job- he'd returned the trust of the society and the office, his kids had forgiven him as well.

However, the most important person in his life still wasn't ready to. And he wondered if there would ever be a time he could do something to change it.

Lately, there had been some improvement in their relationship, they'd started sleeping together again. He was thrilled about it, of course. They say 'beggers can't be choosers' and the saying couldn't have fitted his position better.

After each time they'd see each other (most of the time it was her coming to him), he was left longing for her, wanting more, wishing he had all of her, but accepting his fate, which was solely in her hands now.

He could finally understand what it felt to love someone so much to completely depend on them.

And it saddened him to death that he'd realized how much he really loved her, maybe a little to late.

Peter rubbed his eyebrows with his free hand, trying to get rid of the tension that had risen in him.

The kids were his for the weekend and they were both fast asleep in their bedrooms - at least he thought so.

He heard footsteps coming from behind him and soon he was faced with his son standing in front of him.

"I thought you said you were sleepy after a hard day of helping Eli" They'd all had a pretty busy day. He had given another speech, Zach had been working with Eli (and Jordan) on only God knew what, and Alicia had had to stay at the office and go through some briefs. It had been a tough day for everyone except for Grace, who had gone shopping with her friends when she'd supposed to be studying, but the two of them had agreed to keep Alicia in the dark about it. When it came to his little girl, he just couldn't say no.

He made a mental reminder to try and be more authoritative around her.

"I couldn't sleep" his son started. "There had been something on my mind and I just have to tell you, Eli said I have no idea what I'm talking about and that I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it" he was talking really fast, which could only mean that he was really nervous and Peter didn't like the look of things already. Placing the forgotten glass on the coffee table, he nodded his head in the direction of the empty seat on the couch, signaling his son to sit down.

He was growing more worried with every second that passed.

"Zach, whatever it is, we will handle it as together, as family" his voice was calm and steady, a complete opposite of what was happening inside of him, but Zach didn't need to know that.

Zach took a deep breath and not looking at his father he spitted out "I think mom's having an affair"

Peter fought the urge to snort and found a way to smile at his son.

"She's always whispering something in her phone, she's coming back home late and not late like usual, when she has a lot of work, but later. Then, she's got this smile on her face and when you ask her what's going on she gets all defensive and says it's nothing. And she's been dressing up and paying more attention to her looks in global. Plus, she has that glow in her eyes..." Zach was speaking so quickly, it was almost hard to keep up with what he was saying.

Peter was in no position to tell his son that it was him who Alicia had been secretly seeing. It was something that the two of them would have to do together, if they'd ever get to work everything out and decide to live together again.

He was aware that Alicia wouldn't get the kids involved until she knew for sure what she wanted and how it was all going to play out. No matter how cutting edge she could be in the court room, when it came to her kids, she wasn't taking any risks. And he admired her for that.

They didn't need to go through any more of their crap.

"You don't worry about that, ok?" Peter put his hand on his son's shoulder and gave it a squeeze, reassuring him that everything was ok.

"But you love her, dad"

"More than she'll ever believe me" his head fell down a bit and he drew in a deep breath.

"Then don't let her go, don't lose her again" his son sounded more grown up than him. He didn't know what to say to him.

"She loves you too, dad. You just have to remind her of that" now, it was Zach's turn to reach out for his father's shoulder. Somehow, Peter felt that gesture did more to soothe him than it did vice versa.

He often wondered what he'd done to deserve such a wonderful family. Because they hadn't done anything to deserve having such a mess up as him.

Not knowing what to say, he just kept quiet.

"I should go to bed" Zach got up after a while, getting enough of the silence, even though it wasn't unpleasant sitting with his father like that.

Just as he was about to hit the stairs, he heard his father say "Thank you, Zach" and with a "Night, dad" he went back to his room.

Peter reached out for his scotch again.

His son wasn't far from the truth- Alicia was having an affair in a way.

Oh, if it wasn't so depressing, he would have gotten a good laugh out of the whole irony surrounding their situation.

Reaching out for the glass again and draining its contents, he knew a sleepless night was ahead of him.

* * *

Alicia had been checking her phone more than she'd wanted to in the last half an hour. She'd thought Peter would call her by then. He'd always called when the kids had gone to their beds. It had become a routine for them- whoever had the kids over, waited for them to go to bed and then called to see when and if to come see the other one. Usually, it had been Alicia who was going to Peter's, seeing how she was the one that had the kids throughout most of the week. And when Peter had them, it didn't take long after Zach and Grace were in their beds, before he was on her doorstep.

She felt a bit bad that it seemed like she was playing him like a toy- she didn't really intend to. It was just that she wasn't emotionally ready to make a commitment. At least, that was what she was telling herself.

When he'd finally called, she took a deep breath before answering the phone, she didn't want him to know that she had been waiting impatiently. And as soon as she answered, she realized that her behavior was starting to resemble to one of a teenage girl.

"Hey" his voice was rather flat. Something was up.

"Are the kids asleep?" she choose to ignore the fact that something was going on, she had a feeling if she didn't, she would end up not being able to sleep all night while her mind was racing 300 miles an hour, torturing her with so many issues she tried to avoid thinking about during the day.

"Yeah, Zach just went to bed"

"I'll be waiting for you, then" her seductive voice was on "I bought that wine that we were talking about the other night"

"About that..." he started, but she quickly cut him off with "...and I have a little surprise for you. And when I say little, I mean short... and black" he knew her eyes had lit up at her last words and it was hard for him to think straight, picturing her in a negligee, all worked up and waiting for him.

But then, his son's words echoed in his head making him realize that if he wanted to change their relationship for the better, if he wanted to get her back, completely, he'd have to do something about it.

It took everything sane in him not to jump in his car right then and there and do her in the hallway of her apartment, not being able to wait to get in the bedroom.

He could picture it already-

she'd open the door for him, slowly, giving him a naughty look under her thick black lashes, teasing him to come in and rip her clothes off. Just after the door would close, he would have her pinned against the wall, sucking on her neck sweetly, one hand on her waist, the other one pressed against the wall at her side. She would breathe into his ear almost audibly, maybe even whisper his name, which would only serve to get him more worked up.

At some point she would push him a bit away from her and start undoing his tie. As the tie would hit the floor, she'd brush her lips against his, getting rid of his belt. He'd hear the sound of his zipper going down just as he reciprocated her kiss, pouring all his love for her in it, hoping she could somehow get the hint.

It wouldn't take long till his pants would hit the floor and she'd give him a second to get out of them and his shoes. Her eyes would sparkle in the dark, making it impossible for him to think about anything but how beautiful she was. How beautiful she'd always been.

He'd press her back against the wall and she'd wrap her legs around his waist, her hands going up and down his biceps seeking support but not being able to resist touching him. In moments like those he would think that maybe there was a fighting chance that she did love him, that maybe it wasn't all lost, that he'd still had a chance to get his wife back.

She would let out a delightful hiss as he entered her, taking his time to let her feel every inch of him. Then she'd start kissing him again and again, her kisses matching his thrusts. Her hands would then wander to his hair and pull on it sweetly, as he fastened his pace. She would stop kissing him involuntarily, moans of pleasure escaping her, making him even more turned on if it was even possible.

At some point they would end up on the floor, him not being able to limit himself to being able to touch her with only one hand, wanting to have all of her. He'd start placing small kisses all over her collar bone and then further down, paying more attention to her breasts. She'd hold on him tightly, pulling him even deeper inside of her. He wouldn't be able to get enough of her, trying to claim every inch of her body with kisses, finally returning back to her lips. She'd welcome him with a small smile and her lashes would flutter as she'd start to feel the first waves of her incoming release. It would be a signal for him to slow down. Knowing it was only when they were like that, tangled together in sweet bliss, their minds far away from all the problems that they were faced with every day, that he'd get to have her, to call her his own, he'd want that moment to last as long as possible.

Sooner than he'd like, she'd start twitching under him, her body finally surrendering under his touch. It would be enough for him to follow suit. Before he'd let her go, he would look her in the eyes and at that moment he would wish that he could take all the pain she'd had to go through because of him and make it his own. Then he'd be out of the apartment, maybe he'd have a glass of wine with her before he would head back home, leaving them at square one.

But not tonight.

His son was right. He'd have to fight for her.

"I think I'll skip tonight" Peter had finally gotten those words out of his mouth. She didn't speak right away.

"Oh" he'd caught her off guard "Is everything ok?" She had to ask, after all, this was the first time that he'd declined her offer.

"No..." he breathed out heavily, even though he hadn't meant to "...but it will be"

Alicia started blank in front of her as she'd said 'Good night' to her husband. She wasn't sure why, but she had a feeling she'd understood him completely and for the first time after a long time, she'd felt something change in her.

Deciding to call it a night, she laid in her bed, her eyes like saucers. Absentmindedly, her hand wandered to the side of the bed she'd long before stopped calling his.

Alicia let out a breath she had been holding ever since she'd hung up on him, finally allowing herself to admit what she'd already known.

She missed her husband.

* * *

_Ok, and I don't do smut regularly. But something just didn't let me finish this one shot without it. _

_Again, thanks for reading. Feed back is always appreciated! :)_


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